Unlocking the Power of Relationships

Editor’s Note: The following blog is by Holding Space Counseling therapist, Kayla Payne, MA, NCC. She is currently accepting new clients. You can learn more about Kayla and read her bio right here. 

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As we may know, our brains are one of the most essential organs in our body. And yet, our mental health is often invalidated and overlooked. We do so much to care for all of the other parts of our body through physical exercise, doctor visits, etc., but we often overlook this vital part of the body that holds our thoughts, emotions, memories, natural instincts, and behaviors. 

Why does this matter? Or rather, how does this matter? Knowing how much the brain influences our lives is crucial to understanding why we respond or react to situations the way we do. How do our brains form, grow, change, and heal? It all happens in the context of relationships. In fact, we would not exist without other people! 

Our brains are physiologically wired to NEED other people. Our brain consists of mirror neurons responsible for creating the pathways that determine our thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors. Without them, we wouldn’t be human. When neurons “fire together” (meaning, when we connect to another person), they “wire together” (meaning, a brain pathway is created). In other words, how we have been related to creates pathways that determine how we relate to others.

For example, if you have been in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, that information is received into your brain, pathways are created, and then beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are formed. The same is true with healthy, safe, and secure relationships.

What if you are the one reading this who has experienced an unhealthy, toxic, or abusive relationship? You may be wondering what that means for your future. Will you always have to relate to others out of those terrible experiences? The short answer is no, and it’s because our brains are neuroplastic. They are always changing and new neurons can be created and turned into new pathways. This process is possible because of safe, secure relationships and positive connections to others.

Remember, you are not whatever bad has happened to you! This is true because that experience is a pathway that can be changed and formed into something new and good. If it feels difficult to hold hope that your life can be different, the brain proves that there is “scientific” hope for you!